When amputating the heart, one must be very deft with the scalpel. Make sure to sharpen the scalpel prior to the procedure, reflecting often on the strength of the blade, the acute angle of the cutting edge, and the steadiness of the hand that wields it. Unless all proper precautionary demands are satisfied, the organ and all relevant parts will most likely be butchered in a horrifyingly painful manner. The cleanup of a botched procedure such as this is bound to take extensive cleaning resources and manpower, and can be easily avoided if the surgeon is dedicated to patiently carrying out all procedures in the correct fashion.
One must first begin by breaking the skin, deliberately and swiftly, as taking too much time will allow the overflow of blood and other fluids to interfere with the completion of this first, and integral, step. Next comes the peeling back of the skin, which is done easily once the incision has been completed. Simply lay the skin to the side, as it is now to be disregarded for the surface-layer that it is. One must stretch the muscles apart to reach the protective rib cage. The muscles will resist, as they have spent their entire existence in this precise shape and location. Do not expect to re-condition the muscles during this short surgical time frame. They must be clamped apart once they have been wrenched open.
Opening the ribcage is the next phase of this delicate surgery. A sharp-toothed bone saw is the best tool for slicing through the protective cage surrounding the heart and lungs. The rib cage will not surrender easily, so do not be afraid to use force when attempting this excavation. Keep in mind the depth of your strokes. Slicing open the lungs would be most unfortunate, and would cause massive complications for the patient who is already having difficulty breathing due to the actual surgery. Once the bones have been wrenched apart, locate the pulsating heart.
Grasp the heart with one hand. A slight tug will reveal the pulmonary arteries, veina cava, and aorta. Double clamp all connections with a standard closure, leaving six inches of length protruding from the heart, so all fluids remain intravenous. Slice cleanly through each connection with a field blade.
Place the still-beating heart in a container of preservative liquids in the event that it may possibly serve the patient again later in life.
Stuff the now-empty chest cavity with some absorbent material such as bitterness, or self-pity. Exaggerated rejection or blown-out-of proportion abandonment are also effective, but have not as yet been approved by the AMA.
Reset the bones, securing them with lengths of copper wire. Release the clamps restraining the muscles. They will be lax until they resume their proper posture, and will cause the patient much pain until they regain their tensile strength. Heavy medication is advised. Replace the skin, being careful to avoid any unnatural lumps or stretching. The chest should only retain the appearance of one long scar. Any other deformities resulting from the final phases of surgery are to be avoided, as they greatly diminish the quality of the patient's positive self-image. Scarring should be minimal, and only revealed upon close examination. Therefore, take great care when sewing up the original incision. Excessive scarring due to slap-dashery could negatively affect the patient's self-image, and as we all know, patient attitude carries great weight in the recovery process.
Be sure to label the heart specimen, taking care to sanitize the outside of the receptacle. When providing the patient with the organ post-op, it may even be appropriate to attach a note of encouragement or cheer to the container, in order to remind the patient of their optimism in seeking out this surgical process in the first place.
**please note, when supplementing the organ with a thoughtful token, any heart-shaped doodlings or images are to be strictly avoided.